A Better Me Is Coming....My Lesson of Self Love

.... I never used to believe that.

Yeah that's me. The outside looks all confident and beautiful, meanwhile inside I was dying from marriage breakdown, people pleasing, low self esteem, zero confidence, insecurity and although I had lost over 120 pounds, I still hated how I looked, how I perceived the world saw me and I was still battling the depressed and anxious mindset of the 315lb fat girl inside of my head. It was hell.

I was really good at fooling people, so good I often fooled myself that everything was fine. But it wasn't.

I became exhausted trying to keep up with the facade, it felt fake, inauthentic and I felt like I was bouncing from one thing to another just to find my place in the world. It had to stop.

... and it did. That was the day I discovered that I had to love myself...and to love her - ME - exactly in the place where I was at, even though where I was at was currently riding the big yellow struggle bus.

So I figured that piece out, now I had to find the the things deep inside me that I know had to change, and make a plan of action to start putting myself first.

Repeat after me - "Putting myself first to honour my needs is NOT selfish". It's called boundaries.

And that's what I did... and you know what - that worked, and still works. I pissed off a lot of people in the process, but I had to be ok with that. Many people close to me figured it out quick, but they loved and accepted my new approach to living regardless, and then there were others who disappeared. Now you know who's really in your corner, am I right?

So what did self-love start to look like? I'll tell you, and once you do this for yourself - you won't want to stop.

1. I started to talk to myself, like I would talk to my own kids - with love, and encouragement

2. I started prioritizing myself - even if that was as simple as locking my bathroom door at night, setting a hot bath, lighting a candle with a LUSH bath bomb and a glass of wine, while my kid is knocking and yelling "MOM, I can't find pink teddy".

3. I started trusting myself, my gut and my intuition - it was usually right.

4. I started being true to myself, with what I wanted, my goals and kept in line with my own core values. Never again will I deny my core values to please anyone!

5. I started setting healthy boundaries - everywhere. With family, friends, work and started saying "no". I learned that nothing is more powerful than the word No - and when you use it, it is liberating. Now do you understand how I pissed people off?? LOL

6. I started to forgive myself - for all the moments I was unkind, judged and didn't trust myself.

So now that I've given you my moment of vulnerability, I want to encourage anyone reading this who is riding the struggle bus, to get off and find the closest mirror. When you see the person staring back at you, tell them all the things you would say to the person you love the most in your life. Be kind, and non-judgmental and most of all unconditional. You see, that person in the mirror staring back at you needs you the most, more than your spouse, kids or that deadline waiting for you at your 9 to 5. Embrace them, and they will love you back.

xoxo

Amanda